Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he shaved USA in his pubs
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
