Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
