Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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