I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
