i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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