When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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