You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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