was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
