When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
