mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
