imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
