Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
