They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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