I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
