so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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