So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
being pregnant is like rehab
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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