He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
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Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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