He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
