The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
