well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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