Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I cuddled with a man named Pickles