This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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