Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours