This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.