I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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