he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
