there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize