haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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