My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
