I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
