I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
