I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
