Already got asked if we're dating
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
