hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize