He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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