I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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