She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize