i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
God, I missed his penis.
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