Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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