Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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