you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
