the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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