I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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