mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize