It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
