i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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