Can i not drive my cunt home
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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