Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
