so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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