I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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