She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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