just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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