I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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