Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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