If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
