Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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