Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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