She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
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all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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