so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
