Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
