walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
